


Carrying on

by Ashwang



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Depressed Harry, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Alternating, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry, Sexual Content, finding happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashwang/pseuds/Ashwang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was two years since the war. </p><p>Harry writes to Draco and he agrees to meet him, but neither expect the night to end as it does.</p><p>Written first person, switching between the pair. I hope this is easy to read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carrying on

It had been two long years since the war. It had been two long years of abuse whilst walking down the streets, being held up against walls and suffering blows of knuckles against flesh, hexes, being spat on and called every disgusting name under the sun. The most favorable slur being 'Filthy Death Eater'

I would sit in my room and look at the mark on my arm, the snake mocking me and my weaknesses. Voldemort had sent me on a cruel mission and although Snape took the Wizards life, even now I cannot say his name, I felt just as responsible – as if it was by my own wand. I felt like a failure even though my parents lives were spared. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't take his life.

I lived by myself after the war. When Mother and I left, we fled to Italy. But the ministry reformed quickly and soon they caught up with us all. My Father was sent to Azkaban and whilst Mother was awaiting her trial they had found him Dead in his cell. She couldn't handle it and took her own life. I was alone, inevitably left to suffer the consequences for the Malfoy family.

I mourned my parents as much as was necessary and moved on. I let go. They were my last real connection to my life before the war and though I would always be a Malfoy and my arm would always be disfigured by the Dark Mark, I wouldn't always be the Death Eater Voldemort had wanted me to be, whom my Father had wanted me to be.

Throwing myself into helping others was my first step in moving forward. I sold the Manor and bought a flat in a Muggle neighbourhood. I donated a large portion of our fortune to St. Mungo's and began working on Healing Potions. Snape had taught me well and I could now definitely give him a run for his Galleon's. 

No one knew I helped at St. Mungo's, only a couple of Healers who had no interest in my past, only helping people. They understood that I, too, wanted to help and I knew I could work in peace without the constant hounding of the press. 

As far as romantic interests after the war, well, there were none. No one would touch me, not even fellow Slytherin's. I was a traitor in their eyes, not only to Hogwarts and the House but to them as students, fellow wizards and witches. I had lost all of my friends and I even longed to start my first year all over again. I would do it right if I had the chance. I wouldn't waste my time being a bully and living in my fathers shadow. Now I was nothing, a nobody and I could blame no one but myself for getting sucked into a world of darkness.

It was two years after the war and just as I was about to shut down completely, an owl appeared at my window.

//

It had been two long years since the war. It had been two long years of being hugged by total strangers in the streets, being taken in for free drinks and food wherever I was, being lavished with gifts and kindness and being called every heroic name under the sun. I was the 'savior' of the wizarding world. I was the Chosen One, the boy who lived, the defeater of Voldemort. 

To be honest, I was sick of it.

I had gained a place as an Auror in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and although the work was challenging and sometimes exciting, as there were still so many followers of Voldemort roaming the world, I didn't truly feel as if I fit in. I didn't truly believe I had earned my place, though on telling Ron this he had simply laughed and said 'You defeated the Dark Lord, mate, you deserve to be there more than anyone' and I supposed when you looked at it that way, maybe it was true, but still, I couldn't shift this feeling off my shoulders and I felt almost as if I was suffocating. 

I didn't know how to move on from everything. I didn't think I ever would. Nothing made me honest to Merlin happy. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed, or went out of the house after work. I couldn't remember feeling this alone and lost.

Things didn't work out with Ginny like I had hoped and Hermione and Ron had settled down, leaving me to my own devices.

One morning I flipped open the newspaper and had been absently looking through when a certain blonde caught my eye. Yet another article about the Malfoy's, though this was more centered on Draco. Apparently he hadn't been spotted in a while and his whereabouts were unknown.

Something in me snapped. I suddenly had to know where Malfoy was and what he was doing with his life. Maybe it was for my own selfish reasons. Maybe I just wanted familiarity as I was struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the thought of re-living the past was much easier to cope with than moving on.

I used my resources within the department and located Malfoy quickly. Well, I assumed it would be easy considering he was a former Death Eater and the Ministry would want to keep an eye on him after being acquitted. But still. I was shocked to see him now living in a Muggle neighbourhood, but I understood it was probably because he had practically been cut off from the wizarding world and had found no other choice.

Once home again, I attached a note to Nascha and sent her on her way.

//

I suppose I must have read the note one hundred times over but I still could not believe my eyes. Harry Potter wanted to meet me for drinks?! 

I had heard he was an Auror now, so he would have apprehended my address fairly easily. But why now? Actually, why at all? We were not ever friendly to one another. Certainly not during the war and most definitely not when he almost killed me with the Sectumsempra curse. So why would the 'Savior of the Wizarding World' want to meet up with me?

Tossing and turning in my bed, I had hardly thought of anything other than Potter's note. I had not replied to it, still taken aback by the whole idea. Maybe he only wanted to meet me to ridicule me for my past and that was not something I could handle.

Curiosity most definitely got the better of me and I found a piece of parchment and scribbled a message back, calling my owl, I quickly attached the note as I was making such a rash decision, I wasn't sure how close I was to backing out. 

It was too late now, the owl was gone and I laid in bed until the exhaustion finally sent me to sleep.

//

Saturday, The Leaky Cauldron – back room, 8pm.

He had actually written back. I paced back and forth the whole evening until his owl had tapped at my window. I couldn't really understand why I was so nervous but reaching out to him could quite possibly have ended with terrifying consequences. 

All I could think about was what Malfoy was doing with his life now. I wanted to know how the war had truly affected him and how he learned to carry on. Maybe he didn't have the answers I was looking for, but it was a shot worth taking.

Saturday quickly arrived and I found myself more nervous than I had been in a while. I decided to wear my invisibility cloak, mostly because I could not deal with anyone who would care who I was and also for old times sake.

Slipping into the back room where it was more private, I sat at a table and awaited Malfoy's arrival.

//

I felt sick with nerves and the thought of Apparating was making me feel worse. Gathering myself I closed my eyes, stuck out my chest and chin and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes, I was there. I felt the presence of another and turned slowly to see Potter's expression mirroring my own.

I had never seen him like this. There was no light in his eyes, no trace of happiness and youth. But then I hadn't really known what to expect. I silently made my way to the table, both of us were looking at one another and I had absolutely no idea what to say so I stayed quiet, pulling out a chair to sit down on.

He watched me like a hawk as I moved to sit and it was only when I had taken my seat finally did he speak.

“Malfoy”

“Potter” I returned.

He moved to the chair beside him and I held my breath waiting for a wand to appear and in an instant my whole miserable life flashed before my eyes. What I hadn't expected was for Potter to pull out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from underneath his cloak.

I let out a rattled breath as he set the glasses down and poured a reasonable amount in each one. He pushed mine towards me and lifted his own to his lips. I did the same, both of us watching each others movements.

Placing the glass back down I took another breath and before I could stop myself I said,

“I'm glad you contacted me. I wanted to finally apol-” 

“Don't you dare say you're sorry, Draco” He bit out, interrupting me.

“But... I” Stammering like a fool, eyes wide, I was thrown when he replied with,

“I already know you are” Potter didn't meet my eyes as he said this.

Running a fingertip round the edge of the glass I took in what he had just said. He took another sip of his drink and let out a small moan from the back of his throat, making my breath catch in my own.

Uncontrollably my mouth opened once more.

“Why did you?” I bowed my head, still running my fingertip around the glass.

“Why did I what?” He replied. I could feel his gaze on me but I was too afraid of how he would be looking at me to raise my head.

“Contact me” I whispered.

He cleared his throat and took another sip of his drink before saying,

“I was curious to know. Well. I. I guess I just wanted to know what. No” I looked up to see him shaking his head, muttering to himself. “I don't know how to move on” He finally said with a despairing shrug. 

That was the last thing I thought Harry Potter might say. It never crossed my mind that he would be unhappy after the war. After all, he had defeated the Dark Lord and had all his friends around him and everyone loved him... My thoughts were interrupted when he said,

“I know you're probably thinking that I'm being absurd, but I really have no idea as to what I'm doing. I never have. I know you probably don't care and that's fine, really, you can leave at any time, but...”

“But” I said, willing him to go on.

“I hope you don't” He looked so broken as tears threatened to spill behind his glasses. “I don't know what I'm saying” He said, shaking his head again and laughing awkwardly. “At first I wanted to see what you were doing, wishing you were somewhat miserable but then I just wanted the past back, before everything went to shit” I lifted an eyebrow, not knowing what he wanted from me. “I know, I know. I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry” 

“You do realize we were never exactly... friends, Potter. If you wanted the past back, why didn't you see Weasley or Granger?” I was utterly confused.

“I hardly see them anymore. I guess I just dampen their moods. They're getting married soon and I'm supposed to be best man, but I have absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. I'm probably the worst person for the job, which in turn makes me a terrible friend” He took another drink, this time he swallowed the rest of the contents in the glass and then refilled it. Offering me some more, I declined, looking down at my still almost full one.

I couldn't believe how much he was telling me. It was like old friends catching up. He laid his soul bare for me and I could hardly focus on what was going on. What did he want from me? A pat on the back and a 'there, there'? Who exactly did he think I was?

“At least you still have friends” I spat jealously.

“If you didn't become a Death Eater, I guess you would have some too” He returned, glaring at me.

I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest and glared back. It was rather childish, actually.

“I'm sorry” His gaze dropped again. “I know you didn't have a choice. Even if you did say you were the chosen one, I knew deep down you didn't believe it” He looked me in the eyes once more, the emerald looking a lot more dull than I remembered.

“What makes you think you know me at all, Potter?” I was steadily getting more frustrated with him.

“I felt it. When you held on to me as the Room of Requirement turned to flames” He shrugged again before adding, “You were just as scared as I was, not just of getting out but for what the future held”

“I never did thank you properly for saving my life” I breathed out slowly, suddenly feeling very heavy. “And you're right, I was terrified... Part of me wishes I died in that fire” I couldn't believe I had said that, I turned away and put one hand over my face. Why did I say that?

I felt warm flesh grip my own and when I looked down at my hand I saw his was wrapped around mine. I looked back to his eyes, tears now spilling over as he whispered,

“I would never have let that happen”

//

Malfoy looked like he was about to come undone too, so the vulnerability I felt from my over sharing and crying didn't get to me too much. I was still reeling from what he had said. I had no idea he thought so little of his life. I could imagine being in a house full of Death Eaters wasn't exactly paradise... I didn't know what to think.. All I knew was that I had grown a sudden and overwhelming urge to be there for the man who sat before me.

I took my hand away, sensing maybe he was uncomfortable with the gesture and placed it back on the table. What I didn't expect was for him to start sobbing. Through heavy breathing and small sniffs, he managed to say,

“Why, Potter? Why do you care?”

“Because I want to”

I didn't think before I said it, but maybe I should have because he looked more confused. I gave a small shrug and before I knew what I was doing, I had reached across the table and wiped his tears away with my thumb.

He grabbed my wrist and our eyes latched on to one another. I'm sure I stopped breathing whilst looking into his stone gray gaze. I made one swift movement to collect my cloak and bottle of whiskey and proceeded to Apparate us back to my house.

He stood in the middle of the living room looking completely in a world of his own. I gestured for him to sit as I used my wand to light some candles and sat on the other end of the sofa, facing him with one leg tucked under myself.

“I hope you don't mind me bringing you here” I said. He was obviously uncomfortable and I could only apologise.

“No. No” He coughed. “It's fine”

“I don't exactly know what I'm doing anymore, you know? Since the war I pretty much keep myself busy with work. I used to think that after Voldemort was gone everything was going to fall into place and happiness awaited me” I laughed, how ridiculous was I to think that.

“It's a nice sentiment, I suppose” He said. Malfoy was starting to look more comfortable now and I offered him a fresh glass of whiskey. 

He took it and nodded thanks, watching me as I sat back down on the sofa opposite him. I wasn't sure where I wanted this to go, exactly. I just liked talking to someone. 

“So you're working with potions?” I said, wanting to find more out about Draco Malfoy's life.

“Yes. I apparently have quite the knack for it, would you believe? I wanted to do something to help after all the... you know?” He hesitated before rubbing his tired eyes with the heel of his hand. “I like being able to escape whilst working. No one disturbs me, no one shouts abuse at me...”

“Sounds lonely” I whispered.

“Yes. Well. It's only a small price to pay when the alternative was Azkaban” He took a large gulp of his drink.

“But you were let go” My hands tightened around my glass. Panic was bubbling in my throat. Did I tell him the truth about him being given his freedom? I wasn't really expecting it to come up but really how could it not? I felt sick, placing my glass down as he said,

“I was. How? I have no idea” He looked away.

I swallowed nervously before replying with,

“I may have had a meeting with the Minister” 

“Pardon?” He gasped.

Oh Merlin. Was he mad? What was I supposed to say next? I had gone to the Minister because he had helped me when we were taken to Malfoy Manor. He could've given me up right then and there but he didn't. And I had saved him from the fire. I wasn't sure on anything. So I told him the truth. Mostly.

“I know we never got on, Draco, but you were eighteen years old. I couldn't see you go to Azkaban when I know you could never go through with any of what Voldemort had planned. You were just scared and I understand that” I rambled.

“I didn't need your help, Potter” He stood up to leave.

I stood too.

“Please don't go” I almost sounded as if I was begging.

“I don't need your pity” He scowled though he looked more like he was going to cry than threatening.

My legs started moving by themselves and I slowly approached him, stopping in front of him, almost touching. He took in a deep breath as I stood before him and I caught sight of his perfect pink lips trembling. He didn't flinch as I ran my thumb across them to stop them from moving. He didn't stop me when I placed my hand on his cheek and ran the other through his hair.

“I don't pity you. I just care”

And yes, I had realized how attractive Draco was over the course of the night, even in his saddened state. He was always dressed immaculately, his hair was always perfectly blonde and soft-looking and his eyes were piercing and although most of the time when I caught them it was via a scowl, they were entrancing. 

I didn't want him to feel as if I was taking advantage though, so I pulled my hand away slowly, shocked once more by the man before me when I felt his mouth pressed against my own.

//

I don't exactly know what took over me. A mixture of frustration, anger, sadness and an embarrassing amount of lust, if I had to hazard a guess. I hoped he wouldn't reject me. Since coming to his house, I had began looking at him in an entirely new light. He had confided in me so much it was unreal. Then he let slip that it was basically up to him that I wasn't sentenced to Azkaban. Damn Harry Potter! Why would he do that? Why did he always get to play the good guy? I was thankful, so thankful, though. 

I could barely speak from crying and at how strange the night had panned out. I wanted to leave but a part of me couldn't. I had to know how this would end. 

As he stood in front of me and ran his thumb over my lip I could barely contain myself. Then he pushed his clammy hand through my hair and that was it. I lost it. He started to move away but I pulled him into a messy kiss, wanting to taste him, to feel something.

And I did. I felt wanted.

//

“This isn't me taking advantage” I breathed against Draco's lips as I slipped his blazer over his shoulders.

“I kissed you first, Potter” He breathed against mine, making quick work of the buttons on my shirt.

“Oh. Yes” I remembered, feeling idiotic. 

We shared another deep kiss, sucking on each others tongues. I had no idea kissing another person could feel this good. He finished unbuttoning my shirt and slipped it off and bent down to devour my chest with wet, hot kisses. He pushed me back against the sofa and I fell back. Dropping to his knees, he undid my belt and began unbuttoning my jeans. This was too much. How did this happen? 

He stopped for a second, undoing a couple of buttons on his shirt to reveal smooth pale skin beneath the jet black material. I'm sure my mouth actually watered. Quickly, he went back to my jeans and he looked at me when they were open. I don't know what he was searching for, my dick was hard, there was no way I didn't want this to happen. 

I arched my hips and he gave me a small smile before pulling them off me. Draco then palmed me through my boxer shorts and I let out a stupidly embarrassing moan.

//

I had never done this before. I was definitely freaking out but it felt too right not to pursue. Harry suddenly looked gorgeous, his soft skin being illuminated by the glow of the candlelight. He was skinnier than I remembered, probably for the same reason I was losing weight – stress, worry and being so wrapped up in my own world - forgetfulness. He was still ridiculously attractive though. 

I couldn't believe this was happening. Of all people. Potter. 

I felt his cock through his boxers, stroking over it a few times before revealing it from beneath his boxers. I was rather pleased with how big he was then absolutely terrified of putting it anywhere near my mouth. But I proceeded. 

Kissing the tip of him, I knew this would be fine. He seemed to be enjoying himself and I hadn't even really started yet. Holding him by the base, I licked my other hand and worked up and down his length. The noises he was making made me realize how much my own cock was straining against my trousers.

I ignored it, kissing his head again before licking it, running my tongue in a circle, along his slit and then I closed my eyes and went down on him. 

//

It was the most pleasurable experience I had in a very long time. He seemed completely competent and it made him ten times more attractive. He licked and sucked me until I had almost come undone beneath him. I knew I wouldn't last long and I ran my hand through his hair, trying to warn him that I would come.

He didn't stop though, he just kept working my dick with his mouth. I could feel the climax building higher and higher, my stomach in knots, I gritted my teeth, still moaning and when he went so far down on me that I could feel his nose against my skin, I couldn't hold on any longer. 

//

I swallowed him down, trying to look like I had some idea of what I was doing, as well as trying to look somewhat sexy. Harry looked at me, completely disheveled and smiled. I licked my lips quickly and returned the smile. He then pulled me up and kissed me with such passion, I almost came in my trousers.

He pulled back, looking at me with such an intent look upon his face that it made me gasp. 

“What?” I whispered.

“You're beautiful, Draco”

I will, till this day, deny blushing at that.

//

I tasted myself on his lips and it was one of the hottest things I've ever done. I could feel him against me and I wanted to take care of it. I stopped to look at him for a moment and as I was trying to catch my breath, he took it away again.

“You're beautiful, Draco” I said.

His blush said it all.

I made quick work of taking his clothes off before pulling him back to straddle me on the sofa and stroking him until he came in my hand. Draco made the most sinful moan as he did, causing me to almost come again. He was completely and utterly astounding and I didn't want it to end.

I had never felt so intimate with another human being in my life.

//

He led me to his bedroom once we recovered. I had excused myself and gone to the bathroom to clean myself up. I looked at the state of myself in the mirror and then caught sight of Harry standing behind me. He had such a loopy grin on his face, I couldn't help by turn around and smile back.

“Go get into bed” He breathed against my lips. “I'll be right in”

I did as I was told, slipping between the cold sheets, I waited. When he returned he got into the bed and with a flick of his wand, each candle blew out. He then put it down beside him and pulled me into him, laying behind me and pressing a soft kiss into the back of my neck. 

I can honestly say I had not felt alive until being with him in that moment.

//

It has been six months since that night with Draco and although we have pretty much kept our relationship between ourselves, it has been the best six months of my life to date. Draco makes me feel alive. He challenges me with his intelligence and intellectual conversation. He's warm and sensitive, and he cares about me. Draco makes me feel the happiness I never thought I would get to experience. And the sex is fantastic.

I knew there was something in him that was worth waiting for, and I'm glad I got to be the one to see it. I think I'm in love with him.

//

Six months with Harry. I am still unsure of how any of it happened. Is this real? I hope so. I really do. Being with Harry is like breathing again. After all the misery, the darkness, the loss – Harry has pulled me out of myself once more and not into the complete and utter arsehole I was before, but into the person I always wanted to be but always suppressed.

He makes me feel cliché, but really, I don't mind.

If that owl had never appeared at my window, I'm not quite sure I would ever have found love.

And it just had to be with Harry bloody Potter.


End file.
